Love and weakness.
Strength and dominance.
Humbleness and meekness.
Discipline and punishment.
How many of you think these are pairs, inherently woven into one another? Even if you don’t think it consciously, can you notice the ways in which some part of you plays out this version of reality?
While the allure of the completely independent person may sound seductive, it’s also pure fantasy. Our lives are incredibly interdependent. The fabric of our being has been the work of the universe since the beginning of time. Trace yourself back and back and back and you will see yourself reflected in the heart of the big bang.
This is all to say, your beliefs are as much your own as they are the entire cosmos. We are made up of those who have come before us and we will make up those who come after us.
And we have the power to change.
One of the most important lessons I have learned in this life is the idea of conditioning. That human brains and bodies are malleable. They change dependent upon what circumstances they are under, who they are influenced by. These changes are happening every single day.
We are much more like gardens than machines. If you would like to see a beautiful, luscious garden grow then the conditions must be right. Part of that has to do with the environment one is in, the other part is what we can do to care for it.
When many of us were young, we were in families or communities that were unsafe for some reason. Maybe it was physical violence, maybe it was emotional neglect. We learned ways to protect ourselves then, by picking up beliefs that would shelter us from harm. These beliefs likely worked. You are here now. You survived. But perhaps these beliefs don’t make sense now.
When a parent became violent it might have made sense to hide. Playing small and security might have woven together as a belief.
Maybe your parents provided for your material needs but never cared to ask how you were doing. Care and emotional neglect may have been woven together.
At school you may have felt overwhelm and anxiety due to the immense pressure placed on children. You were told to show up anyway. It’s possible that now you believe to succeed you must ignore your internal compass.
There are endless combinations of beliefs that could have been sewn together by experience. The best way to start unraveling the threads is by becoming curious. Noticing the places in your life that feel stuck or out of alignment. Maybe ask for another set of eyes, another heart, to help see. In the same way it is difficult to see our own faces without the help of a mirror, it can be difficult to see the inner workings of our soul without some reflection. Sometimes it is within the loving gaze of another that we remember how easy love should be.
You will also have to make space for grief — grief for what happened and grief in letting that old self go. In the spaces that grief carved out, love will grow.
What we have been handed is not set in stone. The conditions we find ourselves in are not the way it has always been, nor will it always be this way.
My wish is for you to gently identify and let go of what is no longer serving you. That you may have the vision to see where what is good is woven together with what is confused. To return to that open state of balance, softness, and ease which you were born with. That together, we may braid together a future which lovingly benefits us all.
“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype