“You can’t cry over spilt milk,” so the saying goes.
Well, I actually think you can cry over spilled milk. Sometimes we’re feeling a bit raw and anything can set off a cascade of tears. Maybe this glass of milk was special for some reason. There are many rationales for why we might start to cry over something seemingly so “small.”
Crying is just an expression of emotion, and our emotions are energy in motion. They are like the waves of the ocean. When they come up it is better to let them run their course, instead of blocking them up like a dam. Otherwise we start to feel the build up of pressure within ourselves that starts to eat away at who we are and leaves us more vulnerable to explosiveness.
After the emotions are felt and moved through, there comes a sense of clarity. Usually a feeling of calm. Much like this planet, which builds up energy to create a storms that in turn rains down to nourish our earth, our bodies build up energy which needs to be released in order to nourish our souls and create new growth.
Then after the storm the atmosphere stabilizes, so too does our internal world. Tears carry hormones which when released rebalance our bodies and minds. Running, screaming, and shaking releases pent up energy that allows us to relax after.
Acceptance of our emotions allows us to let them flow freely, without judgement.
Once the emotions have been felt fully and allowed to run out, then we are left with peace of mind. From this place, we can start to see things more clearly.
Sticking with the milk metaphor, from this calmer place we can see there is milk on the floor and that it needs to be cleaned up. We accept the reality of the situation and start to get to work mopping and cleaning.
Unfortunately, what I see plaguing our society is a lack of acceptance.
We’re in denial, we’re stuck in story lines, we’re wishing things could be different. All of this just leads to the mess becoming worse and to feeling more and more helpless and confused.
Our society is so up in the head and disconnected from our hearts and our bodies, it’s no wonder we struggle with acceptance. Acceptance requires embodiment. To be fully present with what is, not what we wish things could be.
In our personal lives this could manifest in various ways. For myself, I know that I let a lot of unhealthy relationships slide because I was always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would make up stories about why they acted the way that they did. Sometimes they would even tell me of their traumas and wounds which led me to enduring their harms or poor behaviors.
My denial of my own emotions and needs led to my own depletion and depression. The story-lines I was making up or buying into were not allowing me to see the reality of the situation. Without proper access to my own emotions, I couldn’t even tell you my needs if I wanted to.
What I have come to learn is that I have to really tune into my body, into how I’m feeling, into what is manifesting physically and even mentally. This can be really hard at first. It can feel painful to realize that a person you love is causing you harm. Especially if we think the harm is our fault — which is isn’t.
But from this place there is true liberation.
You can start to express your needs; you can start to set boundaries. This is the clean up phase of the milk metaphor. At this point, the people around you can either step up to the task of loving you properly, or they can step out. It may not feel like it, but there are plenty of people out there who want to love you well. They’re just waiting for you to make the space for them to do so.
The same can be said of our culture and political system. It’s so disheartening for me to see the mental hoops we jump through to understand what these politicians and powers-that-be are thinking and what their intentions are for doing what they do. Or we create stories about them and how “our side” is better for this or that reason.
What we’re not doing is feeling our feelings. The anger, sadness, and exhaustion instead moves up into the head to become some sort of “logical reasoning.” Instead, what we really need to do is feel the impacts on our brains and bodies. We need to accept that regardless of what anyone promises to us that it’s in the actions that count.
Release the stories of either “side” you happen to be on. Accept what is happening. Then do something about it. Maybe we would find that there are no sides at all.
I don’t read between the lines anymore. I don’t try to do more emotional labor for someone who isn’t expressing their internal world to me. Even if they are, I can only run so long on stories and fake futures. What is happening in the present? What is happening right now?
It’s not that I don’t care about this other human being. I genuinely think that regardless of how a person acts that they truly, deep down believe that they are doing what is best for them, what will make them happy. Even if it is very confused, maladaptive, or warped. I’ve met people with no empathy, I know they exist. My heart goes out to them. But I will not let them take advantage of me or my human family.
In the Age of Pisces it was more acceptable to take on the burden of others to help them heal. In the Age of Aquarius we must allow people to start healing themselves.
This could look a myriad of ways.
For people who come to me for healing sessions we can see where there are energetic impacts on the body and we can work to bring it back into balance. By uncovering what lies there, my clients now have new information to take with them to change their life. Ultimately, though, it is up to the person themselves to make these changes, thus actually healing instead of merely treating symptoms.
In regards to people who take more than they give, it’s time for us to stop allowing this unequal exchange of energy. If enough of us are willing to be kind without permitting others to stay in a place of lack, we actually empower them to heal as well. They must seek their own sources of energy and radiance. By not giving in to this cycle we give them the opportunity to heal, and we also maintain our balance.
With folks who are actively causing harm, we have to see the ways in which we are enabling this harm. It’s ok to want to understand what is happening, but understanding shouldn’t take the place of action. We can spend years, even lifetimes, trying to figure out why things are happening the way they are. In all that time more and more people end up harmed along the way.
It’s like if someone put a hole in your ship and it starts sinking, it’s probably not wise to wonder why they did it and with what tool and for what ends. Instead just get to fixing it. Then figure out how to stop them from doing it again.
Now, I don’t expect you to enact all of this perfectly or even immediately. However, I hope this has offered you a perspective shift. Maybe even permission to want better for yourself.
In Reiki we see everything as energy. From this place it’s pretty clear to see where there are leaks and blockages, imbalances and disparities. As a practitioner it’s even easier for me to see into these places without any story. I have no attachment to the people, jobs, and things that are part of your life. All I see is another human being in front of me who I wish to be happy, whole, and free. Acceptance in this way comes easier for me.
We can, however, cultivate this awareness in our own lives. Through really allowing ourselves to become soft and vulnerable. When we lean into the places where we hurt, we can start to see things more clearly. Feeling our feelings takes courage but then we see that we can survive the hurt, the anger, the disappointment, the sadness a bravery and strength starts to radiate through our whole being.
A meditation practice can make this process even more potent. We can cultivate that part of ourselves which we can witness without judgment. It releases us from our story lines. We can start to parse out what is really happening, right in front of us, right now.
That’s really the power of being here in the present moment. Because whatever you need to know is always right here, right now. Instead of being dragged into the past or projecting into some unknown future, we can be with what really is. Truthfully, honestly, clearly.
And the only time we can do anything is right here and now.