Last year, right before Diwali, I was thinking of what I wanted to call in for the new year. I should not have been surprised when Kali visited me instead and told me that there were old versions of me who needed to be put to rest. It was the time around Samhain and perfect for clearing out before I could call in. The past versions of me needed to be honored and put down before I could invite in anything new. Then she guided me through how the ceremony could go.
You see, every version of ourselves still exists within us. They roam the halls of our body-temple and haunt our everyday experience. They seek to be heard through ruminating thoughts, uncomfortable body sensations, and curious responses that don't seem like they come from us.
In reiki I teach people to help take departed souls to the other side so they can choose to come back (if they like) and help the living from a more awakened place. the same is true for our past selves. Until they are able to be fully witnessed and put to rest, their old, unconscious patterns will still grab at us. Asking us to act in archaic ways that are not for our highest good -- but perhaps in a way that might have once been protective.
So I took my Friday night and dedicated it to these sweet younger me's.
If you're interested in doing something similar for yourself the ceremony went like this:
- I bought flowers for the ceremony and placed them with a set of candles, each candle representing a certain phase of my life.
- I split my life up into sections: elementary school Asa, middle school Asa, high school Asa, early 20s Asa, late 20s Asa, early 30s Asa. I also had a photo for each of these stages to pull up during the ceremony.
- I wrote a eulogy for each one of those Asa's. Honoring everything she did and went through, acknowledging her pain, and letting her know that she could rest now. I will protect her and carry on her best qualities now.
- I dressed up and put on some red lipstick, getting ready the way I would for the funeral of a 3D body.
- To start the ceremony I invoked my ancestors and guides, specifically calling on Nephthys to help them through the death process, Persephone to take care of them in the underworld, and Ceridwen to help us all with the transition to our new lives.
- Then I would pull up a picture of past me, light a candle to her, read her eulogy, and then take a drink to her. Continuing on through each version of me.
- At the end of the formal ceremony I read a Rumi poem about death to them.
- Then, because I’m a good Irish girl at heart and their version of funerals are celebratory, I put on my favorite songs from all of those years, drank, and had a dance party. (This honestly felt SO RIGHT after honoring each one of those babes and something about the dancing I’m sure helped them feel happier and integrated them into me further).
The next day I woke up changed. I feel settled. I feel calm. A deep sense of resting into my body that I have never felt before. I feel like they are at rest now. I feel like I can become who I am meant to be now. I feel content.
This process will be slightly different for all of us. Maybe you only have one version you'd like to put to rest for now or maybe there is a thread weaving through your past selves that is different than mine. And maybe you have other goddesses or different ways of honoring the past than I do. The important part is to just do it. To honor yourself. And to let them rest.
You all deserve it.
And I can't wait to see you on the other side.